Weekly Writing: Friday 7th June 2019

Today, I think that you should have a go at writing your own review. You can review anything you like – a film, a book, a theatre performance, a restaurant or a place that you have visited.

Here are some ideas if you are stuck:

You could write a review of a place that you have not enjoyed visiting.

It might look something like this…

Holiday Hell

This time last year, after I had been complaining of jet lag, a neighbour of mine suggested a staycation. “Why travel for hours in a cramped, stuffy and unhygienic aeroplane when you could be sat on the beach with a cold drink in your hand after just 2 hours of cruising down the motorway in your own air-conditioned vehicle?”, he had asked me. Why not indeed? It had seemed like a good plan.

Fast forward to a year later…I was sitting on the end of a drizzly pier, warm beer in hand which I had paid a ludicrous £4.80 for! Not exactly what I’d had in mind. That pretty much set the tone for the remainder of my “holiday” in Southend. The main “attraction” is the infamous Adventure Island: a loud rip-off of a place where it is impossible to hold a conversation at normal volume due to the repeated incessantly irritating jingle which seems to be played continuously from noon til night.

Don’t get me wrong – there is evidence that this was once a charming Victorian seaside town. It can be seen in the quaint fisherman’s cottages nearer to Leigh-On-Sea, the early twentieth century funicular up the cliffs and the beautiful cliff-face promenade, which has now been turned into an up-market oyster bar. Unfortunately, however, these little gems are overshadowed by the neon signs of the nearby shops.

In a nutshell, the ambience is tacky, the activities limited and the weather abominable. My advice? Don’t bother.

You could write a review of a place you have enjoyed visiting

You could begin with something like this:

If you haven’t yet visited the “Haunted Castle” event at Dover Castle, you need to make it your mission to get there before the end of half-term. Personally, I usually find these events a little lame – you generally find an out of work “actress” in a Poundland mask; the odd child popping up predictably from behind a rock, covered in an old sheet, but with a pair of bright orange Nike trainers sticking out visibly underneath; all finished off with a luke-warm hotdog from a stand at the end of the trail. Dover Castle, however, has broken the mould this year and is doing Halloween in style.

The setting is impressive in itself: a medieval castle teetering on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the sea. One does not have to try too hard to imagine oneself transported back to a time of guillotines, murder and intrigue. Our instructions were to wait in the graveyard. At dead on 12pm, our guide emerged silently and eerily from behind the chapel. Dressed in a black, funeral suit with a top hat and a cane, it was as though he had emerged directly from 1846. His face was ashen and his expression impenetrable.  He merely motioned with his cane that we were to follow….

You could write a review of an event

New Year in Paris is always a treat but this year Paris weaved her magic and produced a firework show which was nothing short of spectacular. The evening began at 9pm in true Parisian style with the many bistros lining the Seine buzzing with activity. Live piano music could be heard drifting across the river, the moon was bright and the weather surprisingly mild. The scene was so perfect that it could have been lifted directly from a film.